Sample scene 2: Packing scene - 1st attempt

This is the scene where the Tennis player's partner is leaving him

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NOTES FOR IMPROVEMENT

• Mise-en-scene
• include tennis equipment in the background (racket, bag, water bottle)
• passport (shot of it being put in the bag)
• photos of the couple together and the team (have partner pick them up then put them down again, angrily)
• panning shots of props
• in wardrobe have clear split of his/her side
• have a larger suitcase, get a shot of Cathy grabbing everything from one side of the wardrobe and putting it in the suitcase
• Acting
• include clearer demonstrations for the actor/actress
• make it angrier and sadder
• aggressively throwing clothes into the bag
• slamming down the photos
• get a closeup of her face (expression)
• do a 'final look' around the house (living/kitchen) - more realistic and chance to include more mise-en-scene for exposition
  
• Editing
• bit at the start has very fast-paced editing, but you can't really see the shots because its so fast
• get some more ELSs to use for establish shots (closer and closer to the house, similar to in Psycho) 
• Get shots of the wife entering the car and slamming the door

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