1: Cam focus - don't have 3 focus shifts; from blurred to focus, yes, back to blurred, no. 004 the take is too long, we just need the flare of the lighter, not the (darker) inhaling) 2: Clear need for Foley sound: wind + camera sound is rather bad! 3: 007 Its a VERY shakey pan; try image satbilisation in FCPX; if little difference then use less of the take (from the start) 4: 014 looks like a failed matched cut; should be simple to match up CUs of feet? 5: 5sec take from 014 doesn't match the rhythm of the rest which is (correctly) quite zippy - '71 influence? 6: Can you really justify the music at this stage? 7: You haven't cut BACK (returned to) any take; its all 1 take, then another... 8: 021-024 2 takes of preparing to return a serve then 1 of him serving; even applying the principle of ellipsis this is essentially a continuity error. Tanay's body language is somewhat uncovincing (too far back from the line, no physical aggression or intensity - tho' the ball toss is good and high) - where you have any verisimiltude issues shorten takes (cutting BACK to a take you've split can do this). In that example you've got 2/3 movements - the ball toss; (strike) + follow-through in to the net 9: 030 experiment with speed? Again, lack of physical intensity undermines verisimilitude - and again you have good distinctive elements within that single take 10: Right idea for final element, like the pen-tapping shot, though the dialogue is quite stiff. We discussed cutting Tanay's audio - possible connotation with the opening overall of his isolation? + maybe slo-mo or just retain the brief sigh/look down (it is very brief though) 11: the cut at 034/35 is just too quick; its not an action scene. We discussed the semiotics of shot reverse shot sequences, including the need to privilege the protagonist by featuring them when another is still still speaking; we looked at where to make a cut (on the 2nd sentence, which has a natural pause built in)
1: Cam focus - don't have 3 focus shifts; from blurred to focus, yes, back to blurred, no. 004 the take is too long, we just need the flare of the lighter, not the (darker) inhaling)
ReplyDelete2: Clear need for Foley sound: wind + camera sound is rather bad!
3: 007 Its a VERY shakey pan; try image satbilisation in FCPX; if little difference then use less of the take (from the start)
4: 014 looks like a failed matched cut; should be simple to match up CUs of feet?
5: 5sec take from 014 doesn't match the rhythm of the rest which is (correctly) quite zippy - '71 influence?
6: Can you really justify the music at this stage?
7: You haven't cut BACK (returned to) any take; its all 1 take, then another...
8: 021-024 2 takes of preparing to return a serve then 1 of him serving; even applying the principle of ellipsis this is essentially a continuity error. Tanay's body language is somewhat uncovincing (too far back from the line, no physical aggression or intensity - tho' the ball toss is good and high) - where you have any verisimiltude issues shorten takes (cutting BACK to a take you've split can do this). In that example you've got 2/3 movements - the ball toss; (strike) + follow-through in to the net
9: 030 experiment with speed? Again, lack of physical intensity undermines verisimilitude - and again you have good distinctive elements within that single take
10: Right idea for final element, like the pen-tapping shot, though the dialogue is quite stiff. We discussed cutting Tanay's audio - possible connotation with the opening overall of his isolation? + maybe slo-mo or just retain the brief sigh/look down (it is very brief though)
11: the cut at 034/35 is just too quick; its not an action scene. We discussed the semiotics of shot reverse shot sequences, including the need to privilege the protagonist by featuring them when another is still still speaking; we looked at where to make a cut (on the 2nd sentence, which has a natural pause built in)